Winter is here and the final season of Game of Thrones is right behind it. With only 5 weeks left until the premiere, the Soapbox Staff is going to give you thoughts and predictions each week between now and then. Get Hype!
At some point the battle for the Iron Throne is going to be over and there will be peace in the realm. Let’s say that we get to see who ends up in the abandoned castles to rebuild the Seven Kingdoms. What is your top pick to get a castle and be the lord or lady of that region?
Josh - After having been promised a castle for all of the series, it had better damn well be Bronn. We don’t know what his last name is, so I’m going with House Blackwater. His sigil can be a hand reaching around the back for a knife. His words will be “I’ll impregnate the bitch.” House Blackwater will be known for breaking through castle defenses and taking up arms for whoever pays the most.
It could be told from the perspective of the maester named Belvedere who is seen at the end of every episode writing the history of House Blackwater detailing all the wacky hi-jinks Lord Bronn gets into. There would be no incest but child murder is still definitely on the table here. It is still Westeros. I would gladly pay for two HBO subscriptions to see this show.
Armando - Do you ever read up on comic book characters like Batman, and Ironman on various websites like Wikipedia, etc. It lists attributes such as “genius level intellect” and “expert detective”. That’s Tyrion Lannister. If he had an armored suite he would rule the world. If I had a vote, Tyrion would rule all. He’s smart in the battlefield, even if he is physically unable to battle. He can read people, he anticipates their moves. He also has the right temperament to rule and he cares about humanity. He’s got a slim chance of becoming King though. There’s too much of this “blood line” nonsense that is important to those in power. The worst thing any of the Lannister’s did was not listen to Tyrion. His father, Tywin, even admitted he was right in season one. If Tywin, Cersei, and Joffrey had listened to Tyrion they would all still be alive and in power. Tyrion will not be king though.
So the consolation prize is Tyrion as the head of house Lannister. I don’t know that I can say he is underrated in the show, as I feel audiences generally hold him in high regard, but I feel he is quite possibly the best character in the show overall. By best character I mean he has the highest quality of attributes compared to every other character. His only downfall is he is an imp/dwarf/little person. So many characters in the show have massive flaws. Daenerys is a horrible leader, Jon Snow has guts but no brains, and his “brawn” is always misplaced and exercised at the wrong time. Ned was too trusting, as was his son, Robb. Betrayal could be a horse taking a shit on their chest and they still wouldn’t be able to smell it. Sansa is a whiny brat, though her character really developed well in season 7, so I see that changing. Then there is Cersei, and well we all know her weakness is being irrational and bat shit crazy.
Stephen – I think I might just have an affection of giant hammers, because I’m really rooting for Gendry to be named the head of the Baratheon house and go back to Storm’s End to rebuild his broken house. Robert had issues (and bastards), and after his death, the shit show that turned into the relationship of Renly and Stannis wasn’t any better. Sure, there are some parallels between Robert/Ned and Gendry/Jon, but it’s very much the reverse with Jon leading the charge for the good of man, not a fight started for what we now know was the wrong reasons.
Robert was a shell of what we heard about when the show began and Joffrey was a Baratheon by name, but we know that he was secret Lannister and not so secret cunt, so that name is going to leave a bad taste in people’s mouth. Everything about House Baratheon from the start of Robert’s rebellion was a lie, so after the dust settles, Gendry is the type of person that you want in charge of the people. He lived with the people, worked with the people, and fought for their survival. That’s what you want from the leader of one of the strongest houses that we’ve seen.
The battle against the Night King is going to start shortly after the start of the final season, and it will be over by the end of episode 3. That is a short amount of time to say goodbye to several of the main characters that are going to be killed in that process. Which character’s death would hit you the hardest and make it dusty in your house when you watch it?
Josh – This is a hard question to answer because George R.R. Martin has made me a bit hardened to the possibility of anyone on this show dying from the first season. The most gut-wrenching death so far has got to be poor little Shireen Baratheon. Burned alive while her parents watched. It makes me cringe even now just to write those words and it’s been two seasons ago. Fuck Mellisandre! Lying old broad!
Hodor’s death is up there, too. It seems that the innocents of the show are the most sad, so I’m going with Samwell Tarly. He’s not quite as innocent as Hodor and Shireen, but he’s probably the closest we have left. He is in Winterfell, so if the fight comes to them (which it will) there’s a good chance he will be turned into a wight. Plus I identify with him being a fat, nerdy bookworm. Who will take care of Gilly and baby Sam? Maybe she becomes Lady Blackwater. I’d be ok with that.
Armando – I don’t want anyone to die. None of the protagonists anyways. That being said, HBO gives two fucks about your feelings. Anyone that has watched GOT (or any HBO series for that matter) knows that to be true; see The Sopranos. No one is safe. No one.
As much disdain as I have for Jon Snow and Daenerys, I feel like those could hit me the hardest. Only because they have survived so much. They have been put through the rigors. They also have the most support from their peers and followers, the best story arc, and the show has built up this feeling of “destiny” that they must fulfill. Daenerys was pimped out by her own brother. Jon was told he was a bastard his whole life and condemned to a life on the wall. Taking everything they have going for them into account means one of them or perhaps even both of them, are gone. Which would hurt the most? We watch a hero’s struggle for the satisfaction of them eventually overcoming. Any one watching a movie with a clear protagonist does so to see them take a beating, rise up, and then win. Take a look at Batman, he’s been beaten several times in his story line, to the brink of death in some cases. Yet Batman always finds a way to overcome. Sure, Jon and Daenerys’ problems typically arise from their own stupidity, but they are still heart filled hero’s. They are the two people that have done everything they can to do what is most “right” for the world.
Also, Tyrion. That would fuck me up.
Stephen – I’ve tried and tried and tried to think of a plausible plot that leaves Tormund alive at the end of this battle. Sure, he’s loyal to Jon, but I just don’t see him traveling all the way to Kings Landing to fight in a battle that he is going to assume is to get Jon laid. He doesn’t care about Dany, he’s friends with Jon and the battle with the Night King is to protect his people. Once that is done, then where is he going to go? He either goes with Jon to fight in a war that he doesn’t care about (not likely) or he goes back to his home North of The Wall to live with his family again and we never see him again in the show (even less likely).
So……if he isn’t going to go either of those place, logic tells me that he’s going to die protecting his people in the battle and he’s one of the characters that doesn’t make it. Tormund not making it through is going to be one of the worst moments in the history of the show. He’s a fan favorite and we’ll never forget what he and Wun Wun (RIP) did in the Battle of the Bastards. I can’t talk about this anymore because I’m not emotionally ready to even think about it, much less see it happen on screen.
Let’s assume that Dany is pregnant, has the baby, and gets to name the baby with Jon. Let’s also presume to say that Jon knows about his real parents and they are both ok with this, just to give us the most possible options. What do you think they will name the baby….picking boy or girl is up to you?
Josh – Cedric Underhill Ned Targaryen
EDITOR’S NOTE: THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT JOKE THAT ANYONE HAS EVER OR WILL EVER MAKE!!!!
Armando – Jon is going to be dead from some miscalculation in the battlefield, and Dany could be too. But I’ll play the game.
Characters in this story are who they are, because they are told who they are. Jon Snow was always told he was a bastard. Nevermind that he’s not a bastard, he’s a freaking Targaryen! His true name is Aegon and was only given the name Jon Snow for his protection. With Jon and Daenerys bumping uglies, there will now be a full blooded Targaryen on the way. The baby will totally be named as a Targaryen. I’m going with female, who will rule all. The baby’s name will be Rhaegana Targaryen. Queen Rhaegana Targaryen – ruler of the world.
Stephen – Ok, so using a little bit of logic, I don’t think Jon is going to call himself a Targaryen. He identifies as a bastard first and a Stark second, so I think he’ll be ecstatic to be a real Stark and will go by that name before anything else. I would think that he’d name the baby (I’m picking boy) Ned, but I also think that he’d leave that name for Sansa or Arya. Who does that leave though? I think that he’ll honor the memory of his brother who tried to avenge the death of their father….Robb Stark. Jon wanted to leave to go fight with Robb, and who knows what would have happened if he did, but honor and some added conviction of his Nights Watch brothers kept him at Castle Black. So to honor his brother and family, the baby name will be Prince Robert Targaryen Stark.
Stephen Balding is the founder of Cinema Soapbox. You can reach him at firstname.lastname@example.org
Armando Rodriguez is a writer and contributor for Cinema Soapbox