If you know what is happening on Westworld, then you are full of shit or you are Anthony Hopkins. On the off chance that you are Anthony Hopkins, then hello good sir. For those of you that are not, stop it with your theories, you are wrong. I'm not sure what kind of drugs that Jonathan Nolan is taking, but they are strong.....very strong. There is only one episode left and we don't really know anything. Sure we know that Bernard was made to look like Arnold, but that doesn't tell us anything about what happened to the original Arnold or why he died or if Ford really had a hand in it. We know nothing!
So after careful consideration and hours of thought put into it, here are my best theories for the season finale questions that still need to be answered. Just know that when the Sunday episode ends, we will know absolutely nothing and you will hate love this show.
Theory 1 - Arnold isn't really dead, he just created another world where he could hide as the owner/cook of a hamburger joint in the 1950's.
How long can you enjoy living in the old west anyway? Tired of shaking the dust out of his drawers and rubbing his taint raw on a horse, Arnold had enough of the (literal) bullshit. He created his own quiet little burger joint and populated it with a rag tag group of teenagers. One of the hosts he created became sentient and was able to rewrite his loop and it became increasingly notable. This host, name The Fonz, could make other hosts pleasure him by simply snapping his fingers, and could make electronics work just by hitting them. In an effort to combat The Fonz in Black, Arnold created a space man named Mork, but even he was no match.
Arnold replaced himself with another less threatening host named Al and rewrote his story to state he was married. Never to be seen from again. Rumors state that he was seen in California with just one host that he made do all of his manual labor and fight in All Valley karate tournaments, but these rumors have never been confirmed.
Theory 2 - The Man in Black is a retired General that is preparing for taking over Alcatraz island with a group of renegade soldiers.
Needing a high pressure environment to practice for a chemical weapons assault on the San Francisco Bay area, the Man in Black is actually the retired General Francis X. Hummel. Westworld is providing safe refuge, but he is old and has forgotten how to find the exit, so he is attempting to escape using the inside of a scalp as a "maze" that doesn't really exist. Westworld executives have been accommodating to the war hero, but do not know how far along his dementia has actually gotten.
Most of the time, he can be found talking about a "deeper game", but relatives close to him state that he was simply obsessed with Monopoly at their last family gathering and was berating the rest of the family for not playing the way he liked. The park will continue to treat the General with respect and if he is ready to leave at any point, they will contact his next of kin, who is listed as Major Tom Baxter.
Theory 3 - Bernard is a host that has been planted by the Capitol to train for the 75th annual Hunger Games
Directors of the 75th annual Hunger Games have been toying with the idea of it being held in an old west type environment in order to level the playing field and bring more bow and arrows into the mix to combat Katniss Everdeen and her considerable talent. When told of the possibility of everyone having to wear cowboy clothes, Caesar Flickerman stated "Ooohhh Myyyy".
Given the name Beetee Latier, he was quickly given the nickname "Volts" by very uncreative children who do not realize that knowledge of electricity is a very basic skill and can be acquired in a very short amount of time at a trade school. Nonetheless, the Capitol felt he needed to train in the old west prior to the tournament and Beetee had his name changed to Bernard and he was sent to study under the tutelage of President Snow's British cousin Robert Ford. There have been several incidents involving Bernard and Ford, but the latest comment from Mr. Ford stated that Bernard is in no current danger of having his liver eaten by him....er uh.....park savages.
Stephen Balding is the founder of Cinema Soapbox. You can reach him at firstname.lastname@example.org