The best bad movies coming in 2017

There is nothing I love more than a really bad movie that is full of unintentional comedy.  There isn't a year that goes by in which someone puts out a movie that had the best of intentions, yet failed miserably.  I don't judge these movies, I embrace the bad and let the unintentional comedy wash over me like a refreshing breeze.  This year has some that will be on the fence, however, because if a movie is just mediocre, then it isn't worth the time.  A movie has to be really, really bad for it to become good for other reasons.  The best example is Showgirls and all of it's ridiculous glory.  There are 5 or 6 scenes in Showgirls that make me laugh harder than any comedy has ever made me laugh.  

Take this NSFW scene for example and tell me that poor Kyle MacLachlan wasn't losing his mind at the absurdity the entire time it was happening.  This scene makes me so happy because of how batshit crazy it is, but also because I randomly think of her name, Nomi Malone, and laugh to myself.

Like Showgirls in 1995, this year has a few movies that have the chance to be really, really bad and some that may stay on the mediocre fence and you need to know what to look for.  So lets take a look at a few movies that are scheduled to have 2017 release dates and have a chance to be really bad in the best way.


Road House

I am really hesitant to get excited about this movie because the original Road House is one of the finest movies ever made.  It's the Citizen Kane of 80's bouncer movies, so to mess with that makes me nervous. I'm not even sure that the studio even releases it since the main draw to the movie is Rousey and her star got the shit punched out of it again last week.  That will make the studio hesitant and want to wait until she builds some of that star power back that she had a year ago.  If you can't wait for this one, then might I suggest watching Road House 2: Last Call where Jake Busey plays Wild Bill, the bad guy that wants to buy the Black Pelican from Will Patton.  Unlucky for him is the fact that the son of legendary cooler Dalton comes to look in on his uncle (Patton) and nobody kicks ass like Dalton, except for his son....Shane Tanner.


The Life and Death of John Gotti

John Travolta is going to overact his balls off and wear all of the wigs!  Travolta is on a short list of actors that can turn up the heat so high on a performance that it borders on "A Cage".  Look, nobody can top Nic Cage in terms of consistency, but there are a few guys that are always in the running.  Travolta was great in the OJ series, but you could tell that was the director was pulling hard on those reins to keep him from ruining the entire production.  This is going to be Travolta playing John Gotti and playing it next to his beard Kelly Preston, so you know that he is going to burn the scenery to the ground.  I may be looking forward to this a little too much, but I will have no regrets seeing this in the theater and laughing my balls off the entire time.


Flatliners

Lets replace some of the biggest stars of 1990 with Juno and Diego Luna...what could go wrong.  There is a better chance that this will just be good people with a bad script with this movie, because Ellen Page and Diego Luna are both talented actors.  Flatliners isn't some iconic movie either, it is a fun movie that everyone saw in the moment because it had Kiefer, Julia Roberts, and Kevin Bacon in it and in 1990 there were very few people that you'd rather have.  When people remember this movie now, they remember loving them, not the movie.  The movie is average at best, but they make it believable every step of the way.  

That is the problem with most remakes, in my opinion.  It's not that you are updating an older movie, that can be done and be done well, but you can't replace beloved actors.  That was always my beef with Lady Ghostbusters...I love all of those women as comedic forces of nature, but there isn't anyone alive, man or woman, that can replace that cast.  Bill Murray is off limits for remakes and that just needs to be a firm rule. I'm willing to listen on anyone else, literally anyone else, but stay away from Bill Murray.  Deal? Thanks Hollywood.


Replicas

Which Keanu are we going to get??  Finding that out is as exciting as opening your presents on Christmas morning.  This may be a terrific thriller that is one of my favorite movies of the year.  This may also be Keanu doing Keanu things like trying to pull off some accent for no apparent reason.  I think it's going to be so bad for 2 reasons.  The more chances Keanu has to act, the more likely it is that one of the performances is crazy as fuck.  Keanu will be in at least 3 movies this year (including this one) and I know that one of them is John Wick 2, so it's one of the other two that will be crazy Keanu.  I'm picking this one for my second reason....the plot.

A scientist becomes obsessed with bringing back his family members who died in a traffic accident.  That sentence is full of Keanu red flags!  He gets to be sad?  Check.  He is playing something that he clearly shouldn't be playing, like a lawyer or a scientist?  Check.  Keanu gets to do something crazy that is necessary for the plot?  Check.  To be fair, his other movie this year has him playing an unconventional doctor to a girl with anorexia, so it's really a coin toss.  My Keanu sense is tingling over this one though, so I'm sticking to my guns.


Stephen Balding is the founder of Cinema Soapbox.  You can reach him at stephen@cinemasoapbox.com